Blog Post #9: Ageism Pt 1

Ageism: This is unfortunately something that most of us will face as we get older. The may first experience it when you do not get hired for the job that you thinkyou are perfect for or when you do not get the promotion that you have been waiting for. Age discrimination is nothing new especially in our society. American society does not value elders as do other cultures and nations. Ageism may be “nice” - such as being overly helpful, calling you dear because you look like “such a nice little old lady.” It may also be the not very nice kind - such as ignoring you, not taking your request seriously, or treating you as if you are invisible.

There are number of ways of dealing with this all of which really depend on what you do. Granted, we need to be more active as a society by trying to make people aware of ageism and trying to change it by passing effective laws that deal with age discrimination. On an individual basis we can dealt with it by being assertive and communicating clearly. To do this means connecting with the person that you're dealing with rather than ignoring them or letting your feelings prevent you from dealing with the situation.

To be resilient in these situations you need to rein in the feelings that you may have. I didn't say forget them or ignore them but vent them later. Talk about them later with someone who will listen and understand or maybe even with the person you're dealing with if you think they will be receptive. Turn your anger or irritation into assertive behavior..My teacher of this for me was my dear old mother who died at 96. In her later years her eyes were failing and I often accompanied her to appointments with healthcare providers. She was very clear with me and with them that she was the patient and that they should talk with her and not me. If you are in a wheelchair at any age you often get ignored. They will talk to the person who is with you and not with you.

Don't allow this. Speak up. She did this quite masterfully. She often used her age as clout. She

would never allow herself to be dismissed until she had had her questions answered. I

remember her saying to her primary care doc who I knew and liked but was on a treadmill like

many other physicians and had only a few minutes with each patient.

"Sonny sit down. I'm not finished. I have some other questions I need for you to answer." And he did. Driving back to her apartment she commented that he was a very nice doctor but he needed a little bit more "training". She was right about that.

In my practice I hear patients complain frequently about the six minutes they get with their primary care doc and the fact that he or she spends four of those making notes on the laptop and two of those writing a new prescription. I'm a firm believer that healing is in the relationship and often not in the medications.

If you want to help the medical profession give them some feedback. Don't allow them to dismiss you or discount you. You are the expert on your health and your body. They are working for you. Your healthcare needs to be a partnership. You need to take responsibility for your part and they for theirs.

Give them good attention when you're with them.
Try to make eye contact.
Make a list of your concerns before you arrive and go through them.
Don't allow them to dismiss you until you have had your questions answered.
Be clear with your communication and assertive in your tone.

We'll talk more about this in the next post.

Ron Breazeale, PhD