Blog #14: Racism & Sexism Pt 2
In the last post, we discussed how racism and sexism are built into the fabric of our society. None of us want to see ourselves as being either racist or sexist. But as members of this society we most likely are. Not because we choose to put because we are products of our world. Before we go off attacking others or our institutions we need to do some self-examination. Take a look at your attitudes and your behaviors. We learned racist and sexist attitudes early on usually by modeling the behavior of those around us. We may have no intention of being hurtful to others but these attitudes and behaviors certainly are. The jokes we tell may be funny to us but often not to others. Phrases or words we use may not be intentionally hurtful but they can be. Pay attention to what you say.
My suggestion in the last post that those who are objects of prejudice, who are directly affected by racism and sexism should assert themselves and find allies in this process. As we said in the last post sexism and racism are part of the fabric of our society. They affect all of us and we all should be concerned about this to at least monitor and change our behavior and hopefully to work with others in changing the institutions and practices of our organizations and our government. We should assert ourselves both as individuals and as a community.
When we speak up assertively we are not being aggressive and certainly are not being passive. When we speak, speak with confidence. The way you look, the expression on your face, the way you stand and your tone of voice should reflect your assertive attitude. Speak clearly and firmly. Try to radiate self-confidence and certainty even if initially you don't feel it. There is an old AA phrase which is good advice. “Fake it until you make it.” How you say something is often more important than what you say.
But in this case what you say is equally important. Here's a four-part formula that can serve as a guide in being assertive. First off, describe what you are responding to. Do it as objectively and clearly as you can. Describe the behavior or words. Don't attribute or speculate on the motives of the speaker. Number two, say how you feel. Own your feelings. Don't tell the other person that they made you feel this way. Make I statements. “I felt embarrassed...” “I felt angry...” “I felt irritated...” Number three make a clear request of the person that you are talking to. Ask them to not do what they had just done or to do something different. Be specific and be clear. Number four commitment on your part as to what you will do if you have they honor your request. Remember it is a request not a demand. It is an example "if you can do this I will help to stop saying or doing things that are hurtful to others when that is not my intention and I'm sure it isn't years”
The next post we will talk about how to apply this if you are the victim of the abuse, the prejudiced or if you are an ally to that person and am trying to change the way in which our society and its institutions reinforce and maintain racism and sexism”
Ron Breazeale, PhD